It’s that time of year again – tinsel and gifts and eggnog and caroling in the snow with your family. Magical, right? Unless you’re recently divorced. In which case, fighting to spend time with your kids over the holidays can be more stressful than braving the crowds at the mall on Christmas eve! While it’s completely understandable that both parents want to spent time with their children during the holidays, it’s important that your children’s needs are kept near the top of the list!
So if you recently snipped the knot these are our tips for making the holidays as special as possible for your whole family:
“Oh, Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind…”
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Miracle on 34th Street
Nothing ruins the holidays faster than a family fight and especially a fight that the kids are involved in. We know that kids are sometimes resentful of the changes that divorce brings, but helping a child adapt to change is a far cry from causing drama for them.
The best thing you and your ex can do is be civil and pleasant to each other during the holidays. This won’t be the first time you faked something, right? Since you’re probably going to have to interact with one another, the best thing you can do is make an effort to be pleasant and cheerful. Even if you don’t feel it, it’ll go a long way towards making Christmas more enjoyable for your kids. Your Academy Award for best acting is in the mail.
“Ever since I was a little kid, I always felt like it was my own personal holiday.”
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Ernest Saves Christmas
How you present an idea to a child will have a lot to do with how they internalize it. Telling them that you’re sorry about them having to travel between their parent’s homes for celebrations will make it sound like a bad thing.
If you make it sound like they’re lucky for getting to celebrate the same holiday twice, it can make the situation sound a lot more exciting! So be careful when you explain holiday plans to your children after the divorce, and pick your words wisely!
“Maybe Christmas, he thought… doesn’t come from a store.”
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How the Grinch stole Christmas
Divorced parents often feel a lot of guilt around the holidays. They are aware of the fact that their children are sad about the family breakup, which can feel worse during the holidays. As a result, they sometimes overcompensate for the divorce by spending huge amounts of money on gifts.
We caution you to avoid this, as children want love and attention far more than ‘things’, and they also don’t like to feel as if they are being “paid off.” So keep gift shopping within your regular budget, and lavish your children with quality time instead. They’ll appreciate it more, and it’ll also help to strengthen the bond between you during difficult times.
“Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas, upon which the entire kid year revolved.”
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A Christmas Story
Kids love traditions! Special things their family does every year to mark certain events can carry a lot of emotional weight and importance. So while traditions after a divorce may feel pointless because the family is different, don’t give up on them. Create new traditions if the old ones don’t work for your family, or adapt old ones to work for the situation you have now.
Either way, it’s important to make holidays special for you and your children, regardless of what else is going on in life. Also, ensure that they still have the chance to see extended family and loved ones during the holidays. Relationships are important!
“…we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more.”
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Scrooged
Holidays after the divorce are not going to be the same. Both parents may want to spend time with their kids during the holiday season, or on special days. So the best thing you can do is be flexible.
Work with your ex to create a schedule that honors what both of you want, and keeps the needs and best interests of your children at the front and center. This way there is less tension and stress and arguments, and your children aren’t made to feel like they’re at the center of a fight. Remember, the worst things you can do are making your kids choose between their parents, and making them feel guilty about their parents not being together.
We hope this list of suggestions was helpful to divorced parents, and parents struggling with custody issues. We understand that single parenting can be very stressful, and the holidays tend to add a lot more tension. However, know that many families all over Metro Detroit and right here in Oakland County have survived this transition and gone on to be stronger and happier. You can do it to! Until then, if you need advice about your divorce or custody, or if you’re considering divorce but don’t know how to begin the process, we’re available to talk ’round the clock!. Call our experienced family law attorneys at (248) 479-6200. We are here to help!