Divorce is tough for everyone. But children seem to have a particularly rough time with breakups. Their family is dissolving right in front of their eyes and they don’t have any say in the matter. That’s so frightening and upsetting for a child. The result is that children who aren’t given ways to process their grief often struggle with emotional and behavioral problems. So what can a divorcing parent do to help their children work through this difficult time?
Thankfully, there are many tools available to parents whose children are having difficulty with their divorce. Even for children are having a particularly hard time, and don’t seem to respond to reassurances of love, there are ways to help them process their pain and confusion. If this sounds like your dilemma, don’t lose hope. Many parents struggle with their children’s heartbreak, and feel overwhelmed and ill-equipped. You are not alone. And there are many options available to help you help them get through your divorce!
Games you can play:
Attorney Brandy Thompson reminds us that there are a wide variety of great online games available that help kids develop coping skills during difficult times. Changeville is an online game created for children working through their parents divorce. It helps by providing tools and information to reduce anxiety during times of stress and change. Another example is Earthquake in Zipland, which is an online therapy game aimed at helping children by “providing them with a non-threatening platform for expressing their hidden feelings and asking questions.”
If online games aren’t your thing, or you’re trying to cut back on screen time, there are other options as well. My 2 Homes is a board game developed to help children understand and accept divorce through communication. For families whose kids don’t enjoy board games (or are too young) child therapists suggest making puppets who can then discuss their feelings, and role playing to express difficult emotions and practice dealing with difficult situations.
Books you can read:
Books are a wonderful resource for divorcing parents. All children love stories, and reading to your child offers you the added benefit of having one-on-one bonding time with your child in addition to an opportunity to teach them coping skills for the divorce. There are lots of great books available today that focus on helping your children process the changes in their family and understand what they’re feeling.
In a sweet story called Two Homes, a child named Alex reassures kids that their parents will never stop loving them, despite divorce or separation. In Horton Hatches the Egg, the egg’s mother flies off to Palm Springs to start a new life, and Horton assumes the responsibility of caring for the egg on his own. Despite the fact that he does it alone and doesn’t have a partner to help him, Horton provides enough love and care for the egg. If finances are an issue (because books can be very costly!), go down to your local library and take out a few books to read with your kids. Stories will help you talk to them about this difficult time in life, while also making the divorce process less frightening for them.
This is hard, but you CAN do it!
Giving your children a healthy opportunity to process their confusion and uncertainty will help them to work through what’s happening, without jeopardizing their emotional and mental safety. Games and books that encourage them to open up and talk through their feelings in an non judgemental environment, will do exactly that. It’s going to be a struggle, both for you and them, but you can do it! Tens of thousands of families all over Michigan and right here in Oakland County, get through their divorces.
Join us next time when we’ll be looking at how Activities and Art can both be tools to help your children cope with their feelings during a divorce. Also, if you have questions about the divorce process yourself, or are confused about what you can expect, call our Farmington Hills office at 248 479-6200 to speak to a skilled and compassionate family law attorney. We have decades of experience representing Oakland County, Michigan families during their divorces, and we can help you too.