In the previous article here on our Oakland County Family Law blog, we looked at the first two items on our list of tools that parents can use to help their children navigate the turbulent waters of divorce. Because children so often struggle with the divorce process, but don’t have the coping skills to help them deal with their feelings, this can be a great help.
We looked at how books can help kids understand the process, and how games can help children normalize the idea of living in two homes, and work through stress and anxiety. Moving on, we want to look at the last two items – art and activities, both of which can help children to come to terms with the divorce, and get a handle on their emotional responses. As you already know, there are tremendous resources all over Oakland County and Metro Detroit for art and other activities.
Art you can create:
Sometimes words aren’t good enough for expressing how we feel. At those times, art can be a wonderful tool for expressing emotions that are otherwise hard to convey. But ‘art’ is a big world. So where do you begin? Start simply. Drawing pictures with your child. Encourage them to focus on how they’re feeling, and draw whatever they feel. If they don’t know where to begin, try suggesting subjects to draw. Perhaps a picture of what your feelings look like, or what your two homes will be like. As your child to draw pictures on who will be living in each house. Add in the pets.
Ask specific but positive questions about your child’s pictures. And be supportive of their answers, regardless of how they make you feel! Children need to know that they can share how they feel without being judged or shamed. If you can provide a non-threatening environment for children to share their frustrations and fears during this time, they’ll slowly begin to feel secure enough to share other feelings with you in the future. Of course we have resources for kids other than just drawing. Painting pictures, modeling with clay or Playdough, string art or even just building a snowman or sand castle on the beach.
Activities you can do:
There are so many activities parents can engage in with their children during a divorce to help them cope with the changes. One such activity is role playing. Acting out potential situations and talking about how one might act in that scenario, can really help children by providing positive planning. But be sure to only try this when your child is in the right frame of mind – while they’re upset or tired isn’t the right time!
Another activity is puppet play. Some parents have found that creating puppets and having the puppets talk on behalf of their child can help. Children may feel less pressure to discuss their feelings if it’s a puppet doing the talking for them. Therapists say that this is because having a ‘third party’ voice can provide the freedom to say things that kids would otherwise be reluctant to share.
In addition to the many activities that focus on getting kids in touch with their feelings, exercise is one of the best ways to reduce stress and feel better. Exercising with your child will provide you both with a positive physical outlet, while allowing you time together. For example, taking walks together provides the benefits of fresh air and exercise, while also giving you time to be together and talk. If walking is not your thing, you could try basketball, baseball, swimming or even ice skating. The options are endless!
This is hard, but you CAN do it!
Divorce is hard, but you are not the first parent to go through it, and your kids will survive it. However, the more you work towards helping them come to terms with the changes in their life, and provide them with safe and healthy outlets for their feelings, the better they’ll adjust. In addition, it’ll equip them for future upheaval in life (because no one’s life is perfect) and strengthen the relationship between you. We’re fortunate to live in Metro Detroit. We have countless resources available to us. Take advantage of them.
We hope this has been helpful for you. If, however, you have other questions about divorce, and if you live in Metro Detroit, contact us at (248) 479-6200 and discuss your concerns with an experienced family law attorney. At The Kronzek Firm, we’ve spent decades successfully representing people from all over Oakland County as they work through the divorce process, and move on to better futures. Our office is located in Farmington Hills.