Just because you’ve decided to get a divorce, doesn’t mean that you should immediately jump back into the dating scene. No matter how much you may want to, (or how often your friends may encourage it) separated is not the same thing as divorced.
Many people who rush back into relationships end up doing more harm than good, at a time when there’s already more than enough misery to go around. Dating while divorcing is unwise for a variety of reasons – strategic, legal and emotional. Not sure what we mean? Let’s take a look…
Strategic Reasons:
Divorce is a painful time for everyone involved. Choosing to date before the divorce is final can be perceived as an insult to your soon-to-be ex. It’s like salt in the wound, and can trigger terrible emotional backlash. Your spouse might try to get revenge for the humiliation. Especially if they’re already angry and resentful about the divorce.
This will make your life even more miserable during this difficult time. A person who feels insulted or wronged is rarely at their most rational point. And every date you go on before you’re officially divorced, could feel like exactly that – an insult, to your spouse. As if you’re flaunting your rejection of them in their face.
Remember that regardless of how you feel about your spouse right now, they’re still your marital partner until the divorce is final. Actions that could be viewed as intentionally hurtful, insulting or disdainful will only bring out the worst in them during this process. And making them even angrier isn’t helpful to anyone!
It’s in your best interest, and most importantly that of your children, to maintain a cordial relationship with your spouse. It’ll make your divorce go more smoothly, and also make any future contact you two may need to have (like dropping off or picking up kids) far less contentious. Co-parenting with a former spouse is pretty complicated even under the best circumstances.
Legal Reasons:
As far as the court is concerned, until your divorce is final, you’re still married. In this light, any relationship you pursue before finalizing of your divorce could be viewed as morally questionable. However, judges here in Oakland County, and also in Wayne and Macomb counties, have differing thoughts about that. Believe it or not, actions that make you look like an immoral or unthoughtful person could negatively impact your potential spousal support and child custody agreements.
If your spouse can prove marital misconduct during the legal marriage, you could be viewed as someone with questionable morals. If that misconduct actually caused the breakup of the marriage, that’s even more serious to lots of judges. That might lead your judge to decide that your spouse ought to have the majority of the parenting time which might mean less parenting time for you! (Our Oakland County judges can be very picky about parental behaviors!) If you have children, you need to remember that maintaining a cordial relationship with your spouse will make things much easier for your kids and for yourself in the long run.
Oakland County Divorce Lawyers:
Join us next time, as we wrap up the legal reasons you shouldn’t date during your divorce process, and look at the emotional reasons as well. Until then, if you need help with your divorce, your custody / parenting time arrangement, or your spousal support agreement, contact The Kronzek Firm at (248) 479-6200.
Our skilled family law attorneys have spent decades helping and advising our clients in Oakland County, and we can help you too. Call us at any time that’s convenient to you. Our Metro Detroit office is conveniently located in Farmington Hills, and we’d be happy to sit down and talk about your needs.