Welcome back, and thank you for joining us for this ongoing discussion about narcissism and how it can affect the divorce process. In the introductory article, we talked about what narcissism is, and discussed some points made by Karyl McBride, the author of Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family. In this next segment we hope to discuss what someone involved in a divorce from a narcissist is up against.
If you remember from last time, one of the points that McBride makes is that divorcing a narcissist is likely to be a lengthy project. Because narcissists experience their spouse’s desire for divorce as a personal “injury” aimed at them, they are likely to seek revenge by making the process as painful and drawn out as possible. The goal would be to cause as much misery and pain for the person who slighted them. But revenge is not the only issue that you need to be aware of.
A person who is divorcing a narcissist is up against a lot more. For starters, there is the difference between a regular divorce and a divorce from a narcissist. A narcissist doesn’t get over a divorce in the same way that other people do. While the average person may be hurt and angry, and need time to process what has happened before they move on, a narcissist does not move on. They do not heal and move past the divorce. Instead, they remain in that same head-space, full of anger and rage and a desire for revenge. This can, in many cases, be sustained for an entire lifetime.
Another point that McBride makes is to note the fact that narcissists can be very charming and likable when they want to be. As a result, attorneys, mediators, judges and even Friend of the Court workers can be taken in by them. Being seduced by a narcissist isn’t a sexual seduction, but rather a reference to a narcissist’s ability to deceive people into believing that they are the “good” person, or the “victim” and that the spouse who is trying to get away from them is the “bad” one.
Narcissists will charm others into believing them in order to make you look bad
McBride says that there needs to be more training for those working within the court system, so that attorneys, therapists and family court workers are not so easily duped by narcissists. Thankfully many people within the Oakland County Court system are acutely aware of the ways in which narcissists can manipulate individuals into believing falsehoods. This really helps to get better outcomes for people divorcing a narcissist in Oakland County.
Finally, one other major concern that McBride raises in her book is the issue of children. Children are often emotionally traumatized by highly contentious divorces that drag out over long periods of time. In addition, narcissists are known for using their children as pawns during custody battles, to achieve their own ends. Which means, if it suits their purposes to lie in order to alienate the other parent, make false accusations of abuse, or even make veiled threats, they will do so.
While we understand that the prospect of divorcing a narcissist can be very daunting, we also know that anyone living in an abusive relationship is unlikely to find happiness. In addition, their children will suffer a host of problems and issues that could be avoided by ending a marriage to a narcissist. So if you are considering ending a marriage to a narcissist in Oakland county or the Metro Detroit area, come and talk to us today.
At The Kronzek Firm, our skilled family law attorneys have decades of experience handling contentious divorces, and understand the difficulties faced by those who are divorcing a person with a personality disorder. Our experienced attorneys have spent decades helping local families with all of their family legal issues, whether it’s divorce, custody, alimony, child support or CPS defense, we are here for you. Call us today at 866-766-5245.
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